Sauna Comedy: What happens in the sauna stays in the sauna

Hello sauna sweaters! Today I’m going to approach sauna-ing from the lighter side, by sharing some comedic observations about sauna-going…..!

Now, I know some of you may be thinking, “Hey, what’s so funny about saunas?” Well, let me tell you, there’s plenty of comedy to be found in our beloved little hot rooms. You just have to know where to look…..

So, I hope you’re ready for a good sweat, because things are about to get steamy here……!

The Sauna First-Timers…

Have you ever seen someone walk into a sauna for the first time? It’s like they’re entering a foreign land, with all these customs and traditions they don’t understand…..! They’re like, “Do I take off my clothes? Do I sit on this bench? What’s this ladle for? Is this some kind of soup kitchen?”

And then, they finally settle in and start to relax, only to realize they’ve made the rookie mistake of sitting on the top bench. Because let me tell you, folks, if you’re not careful in a sauna, the top bench will turn you into a human roast beef. You’ll be sizzling and sweating and thinking to yourself, “Why did I ever leave the safety of the lower benches…..?”

And speaking of sweating, have you ever seen someone try to hold back their sweat in a sauna? It’s like trying to hold back a sneeze. It’s gonna happen, and there’s nothing you can do about it. But some people, they’ll clench their fists and grit their teeth, like they’re trying to repress the sweat. But it’s like trying to hold back a waterfall with a thimble. It’s futile, folks. Just let it flow, I tell you.

But perhaps the funniest thing about saunas is the noise. Oh, the noise. You’ve got people slapping the benches, pouring water on the stones, and let’s not forget the symphony of grunts and groans that fill the air. It’s like a sauna-kraut concert in there.

And let’s not forget about sauna-etiquette. Like, for example, the sauna-etiquette of the towel. You got some people, they’ll drape the towel over their lap like a lady, and then you got other people, they’ll spread that towel out like a picnic blanket, taking up all the room.

But the best of all, the ultimate sauna faux pas, is the sauna selfie. You got people in there, taking pictures of themselves with their iPhone, thinking they’re gonna post it on Instagram and get a million likes. Well, let me tell you something folks, that sauna selfie ain’t gonna get you nowhere. It’s like trying to take a selfie in a hurricane. You’re gonna end up with a blurry mess, that’s what you’re gonna end up with.

The Sauna Characters…

Let’s talk about sauna characters. You’ve got your sauna regulars, who practically live in there. They’ve got their own little routines and rituals, and they’re always willing to give you advice, whether you want it or not. And then, you’ve got the sauna newbies, who are just trying to figure out the ropes. They’re like “Is it normal to feel lightheaded in here? Why are people pouring water on the stones? Can you die from sweating too much?”

And then there’s the sauna silent type, the one who’s not talkative, just sitting there with a stoic expression, like they’re meditating or something. But then all of a sudden, they’ll let out a huge sigh and you’ll realize they’ve been holding their breath the whole time.

And of course, there’s the sauna chatterbox, the one who just won’t shut up, telling you all about their life story, their job, their kids, their problems. It’s like they think they’re in a therapy session or something. I mean, no one wants to hear about your recent colonoscopy in a sauna.

Another funny thing about saunas is the timing. You got people who are always in a rush, they’ll run in and out, like they’re trying to beat a personal best. And then, you’ve got the sauna lingerers, the ones who stay in there for hours on end, like they’re trying to achieve sauna immortality or something. And then there’s the sauna lurkers, the ones who sneak in, try to blend in and act like they’ve been there for ages.

But the funniest thing about saunas is the improvisation. You got some people who think they’re Macgyver or something, they’ll put towels on the benches so they don’t burn their skin, they’ll pour water on the stones to increase the steam, they’ll even bring their own little bucket to pour water on the stones if they feel like it. And then, you’ve got the ones who think they’re at a spa or something, they’ll put cucumbers on their eyes and take a nap.

But the ultimate sauna improvisation, the one that takes the cake, is the sauna-book reading. You got people in there, with a book in one hand, a ladle in another hand and a bottle of water on the side, like they’re in a library or something.

The Sauna Styles…

Let’s talk about sauna styles. You’ve got your traditional sauna, the one with the wood burning stove and the smell of pine. And then you’ve got your modern sauna, the one with the fancy lights, the music and the fancy benches. But the best of all, is the outdoor sauna, the one that’s in the middle of nowhere, you got to chop the wood, light the fire and hope you don’t get lost in the wilderness.

And of course, there’s the sauna-togs, the ones that wear the minimal clothing, and then there’s the sauna-dudes, the ones that wear the most ridiculous outfits, like the sauna-robe, the sauna-shorts and the sauna-sandals.

But the funniest thing about saunas is the accessories. You got people who bring their own sauna-bukkake, their own sauna-bucket and their own sauna-towel. And then you’ve got the ones who bring their own sauna-beer, their own sauna-book and even their own sauna-companion, like their dog, their cat or their parrot.

But the ultimate sauna accessory, the one that takes the cake, is the sauna-phone. You got people in there, with their phone in one hand, taking pictures, checking their emails, answering their calls and even doing their work, like they’re in an office or something.

Sauna Skills…

Let’s talk about sauna skills, you got your sauna-pouring skills, the ones that can pour the water on the stones with precision and grace, like a true sauna-master. And then you’ve got your sauna-sweating skills, the ones that can sweat profusely and with style, like a true sauna-champion.

But the funniest thing about saunas is the sauna-meditation skills, the ones that can meditate soundly, despite the heat and the noise, like a true sauna-guru. You got some people that can meditate sitting up, some that can meditate standing up and some that can even meditate upside down.

But the ultimate sauna skill, the one that takes the cake, is the sauna-singing skill. You got people in there, singing, humming and even whistling, like they’re in a concert or something. And the best of all, is the sauna-duet, where two sauna-singers will find each other and start singing in harmony.

…and the Sauna Experiments

Let’s talk about sauna experiments, you got your sauna-cold water experiment, the ones where people pour cold water on themselves and try to handle the temperature change, like true sauna-scientists. And then you’ve got your sauna-herbs experiment, the ones that bring different types of herbs and try to enhance the sauna experience, like true sauna-botanists.

But the funniest thing about saunas is the sauna-time experiment, the ones that try to find out how long they can stay in there without passing out or getting dizzy, like true sauna-endurance athletes.

But the ultimate sauna experiment, the one that takes the cake, is the sauna-food experiment. You got people in there, trying to eat different types of food, like pizza, hamburgers, even sushi, and see how it affects their sauna experience.

So, as you can see, the sauna is a funny place, if you know where to look. The next time you’re in there, just remember, to relax, to embrace the heat, and to experiment if you want to! Don’t be afraid to try new things and most importantly, don’t forget to bring a towel to wipe the sauce off your face… Just remember, what happens in the sauna stays in the sauna!

Anna

Author: Anna Svensson

Anna is a Scandinavian who grew up with saunas. She has had a life-long love for, and interest in, saunas. In this blog, she shares her best hacks and things she has learned about saunas over the years. You can read more about Anna in the “About” page.